However, staying with a bunch of friends has its benefits and loss. Well, the benefit is quite clear, we get to hang out together, support one another, do things together and become best buddies forever. When one of us are feeling down, you know there's always someone there that will listen to you. Staying together also teaches me to tolerate with one another, although sometimes, I may not seem to be tolerating well. It takes time. It seriously does. On the other hand, the loss is the lack of privacy. Being me, I am a person that is easily influenced by others. Especially when it comes to play, I can't seem to miss any of them out. And that comes with a huge disadvantage, I ended up spending most of my time trying to satisfy my housemates, trying to befriend everyone, and the exchange of it is my time to arrange my own life.
Sometimes I envy my housemate, who seems to get to do everything she please and everything seems to be in her own control. I guess I really do need to learn from her. There is a few things that I am envy of her. She is good with words, and with that she knows how to convince others. She knows when to tolerate, and when to have her own view. In the house, she is the leader. Although it may not seem like it when the group is larger, but that is how its like. Although sometimes we don't get along well when we have different viewpoints, but all in all, she gives me a very different viewpoint, and that helps me think in a different perspective.
Sometimes, I stand to my own viewpoint too much that I missed the overall picture. I also think from a very negative view point, that everyone is thinking in a very negative way, like me. However, as I grow older, I guess it is not always that way. People think differently. Their face acts differently too. And so, not everyone convey their message as what their face may have portrayed as. There is also a third factor - the use of words. Some people are just too good with words, they are very careful with what they use in a certain situation, that will help leave a good impression on them even though they may not be thinking that way at that time. The fourth factor of why we cannot clearly define what people are thinking of whether they will express it to us or they would like to keep it and rather tell us a lie. The fifth factor is, whether the topic is important to him or her. This may be affected by the past events that the person has endured. It may also be a standpoint that the person holds. (Yijuin has strong beliefs of her own, this may be something I envy, but it is also sometimes scary, because she may think that it is not good to do one thing and will strongly object on it although she might not tell. And she will surely make you wonder, because her expression betrayed her; but sometimes, this also makes me a fool, making me assume that every time she wears a bad or disgraced look on her face, it meant that she hates me... okay that should not be the case, but I do compare how she treats the others vs treating me.. and it seems like i am being alienated by her. So this makes me feel like I am an outsider, making me feel alone. but maybe it is my own thoughts that plays and fools me around. but I have to remember, everything is two sided; it may be my expression that triggers how she treats me.. ) The sixth factor is their current state of mind. What I meant by that is the emotion the person is feeling right now. Given all this factors that make up a person, it is hard to maneuver how people think of it.
Well, I clearly do not have a solution to solve this for now, however, I do hope that in future, I would be clearly able to dissect how a person think, and how a person feels, one by one, and not be so naive to think that everyone thinks alike as me, by only looking at the face and the use of words and their actions, behavior to judge on how others view thinks. Things ain't that simple. For now, I guess, what I can do is to try to not get hurt by just comparing, and judging how others treat me. Also remember, you have to know who you are. You are someone that loves attention being placed on you ( but it also is constrained by the attention of the people you loved and are comfortable with), that makes you think that way. Remember, to also place attention on others. because they sometimes need to be the star of the show too. Learn to enjoy the moment, and not condemn the moment. =) Learn to be happy, and think positively! xD
