Just a Chain of Messy Thoughts =)

I was packing my stuffs up, one reason due mainly because of the aftermath of bed bug problems - We need to get our luggage and stuffs back to its original look. The other reason is to also do spring cleaning at the same time. After numerous weeks (more than 6 weeks or so) dealing with a messy and disorganized room and house, things are getting much more like a home now.

However, staying with a bunch of friends has its benefits and loss. Well, the benefit is quite clear, we get to hang out together, support one another, do things together and become best buddies forever. When one of us are feeling down, you know there's always someone there that will listen to you. Staying together also teaches me to tolerate with one another, although sometimes, I may not seem to be tolerating well. It takes time. It seriously does. On the other hand, the loss is the lack of privacy. Being me, I am a person that is easily influenced by others. Especially when it comes to play, I can't seem to miss any of them out. And that comes with a huge disadvantage, I ended up spending most of my time trying to satisfy my housemates, trying to befriend everyone, and the exchange of it is my time to arrange my own life. 

Sometimes I envy my housemate, who seems to get to do everything she please and everything seems to be in her own control. I guess I really do need to learn from her. There is a few things that I am envy of her. She is good with words, and with that she knows how to convince others. She knows when to tolerate, and when to have her own view. In the house, she is the leader. Although it may not seem like it when the group is larger, but that is how its like. Although sometimes we don't get along well when we have different viewpoints, but all in all, she gives me a very different viewpoint, and that helps me think in a different perspective.

Sometimes, I stand to my own viewpoint too much that I missed the overall picture. I also think from a very negative view point, that everyone is thinking in a very negative way, like me. However, as I grow older, I guess it is not always that way. People think differently. Their face acts differently too. And so,  not everyone convey their message as what their face may have portrayed as. There is also a third factor - the use of words. Some people are just too good with words, they are very careful with what they use in a certain situation, that will help leave a good impression on them even though they may not be thinking that way at that time. The fourth factor of why we cannot clearly define what people are thinking of whether they will express it to us or they would like to keep it and rather tell us a lie. The fifth factor is, whether the topic is important to him or her.  This may be affected by the past events that the person has endured. It may also be a standpoint that the person holds. (Yijuin has strong beliefs of her own, this may be something I envy, but it is also sometimes scary, because she may think that it is not good to do one thing and will strongly object on it although she might not tell. And she will surely make you wonder, because her expression betrayed her; but sometimes, this also makes me a fool, making me assume that every time she wears a bad or disgraced look on her face, it meant that she hates me... okay that should not be the case, but I do compare how she treats the others vs treating me.. and it seems like i am being alienated by her. So this makes me feel like I am an outsider, making me feel alone. but maybe it is my own thoughts that plays and fools me around. but I have to remember, everything is two sided; it may be my expression that triggers how she treats me.. ) The sixth factor is their current state of mind. What I meant by that is the emotion the person is feeling right now. Given all this factors that make up a person, it is hard to maneuver how people think of it. 

Well, I clearly do not have a solution to solve this for now, however, I do hope that in future, I would be clearly able to dissect how a person think, and how a person feels, one by one, and not be so naive to think that everyone thinks alike as me, by only looking at the face and the use of words and their actions, behavior to judge on how others view thinks. Things ain't that simple. For now, I guess, what I can do is to try to not get hurt by just comparing, and judging how others treat me. Also remember, you have to know who you are. You are someone that loves attention being placed on you ( but it also is constrained by the attention of the people you loved and are comfortable with), that makes you think that way. Remember, to also place attention on others. because they sometimes need to be the star of the show too. Learn to enjoy the moment, and not condemn the moment. =) Learn to be happy, and think positively! xD

Remember this..

Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. Dr. Phil tells his guest, "As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one." Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

From: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/172/

Thought of the Day: Leap Year

I have never placed any effort in noticing the extra day in a year that occurs every four years. Well, to me, it was nothing but an extra day to spend. But for this year's, having to spend it together with my friends is not bad. At least, by knowing it's existence help me remember what I  did with the extra day that comes only four year once, and knowing that it is so rare that you should use it to do something memorable. And this year, I get to have dinner together with a few of my close friends. Tired as I am from the lack of sleep, what I did was to  stare at them blankly and day dream, still I am contented. I know that there is really nothing to shout about, I feel like this is still those kinda small moments I would like to treasure when I grow up. =)

Happy things comes from small little things and careful little observations I guess.


And
Happy Leap Year world! =)
Wishing you to treasure the extra day given, 
to do what will build a good memory. 

Time Management

Thanks to my ever wonderful housemate, I finally get to know the secret behind her success!
I really appreciate your help! Love you much! Muax!
Can't write much..! Back to studies! Time Management!! xDDDD

Insomnia

Never bring workloads to bed, that is what you will get..! =) (the title...)

Anyways,
Had fun with a bunch of friends chatting for 2 hours about ridiculous ideas from things like flying to Taiwan for Jimmy Johns to things like Sleeping being a university subject to be taken by all students. That brighten my day (night) up!

Well, its been near the end of the quarter, but the workload just doesn't seem to decrease. Taking 5 major courses is definitely hectic. I have to juggle from one subject to the other, and to try to maintain the overall grades evenly. And of course, I get upset every time I missed my targeted results.Yet, compared to the last few quarters, having an internal goal and a prepared mind definitely is different from flowing through day by day without one.

Knowing that now I have a goal, and by when it should be achieved, that is probably what is driving me now. It's like... time isn't enough to spend! In order to achieve that goal, you have to fulfill this and that, fight the fear, take up challenges, do the undesirables. I am in the stage of learning to handle what I once gave up on. It's not like I did give up on me the first place, but it happens, well, unconsciously and natural. It's just like how you took a wrong path down the maze. You knew you once had a goal, but you lost your direction. You knew you want to be someone, but you had too many choices that you lost what you wanted to pursue. And it takes time to realize you are on the wrong track. And sometimes, worse, you may not even realize you were.

Well, I am on my way getting out of that maze (hopefully). But getting out of one, means going into the other. Let's just hope "al iz Well"... =)

Good night folks..!

With a Smile

I smiled looking back at the old blog posts...

There is...well.. a huge difference between the topics of the start of 2011 and the end of 2011 and beyond..!
lols...

More to Overcome

Well,

Being motivated is one thing, able to handle the stress produced from trying to be the best is another.
Now I recalled why I loss to myself back then - giving up due to fear, terrible self emotional management and stability.

You better do something about it!
You are so not gonna fall into the same route again...!
Now that you have a dream, a future goal, if you don't do something about it, you will never reach it.
你不尝试突破，哪来的成功，进步？

Good luck Adeleine..
May you find the right path, the right mind, the right action..

Escaping the Million Paths for One

Millions of routes presented,
Decisions upon me,
How am I to remove all, to choose and to find,
The one and only;
All others lead to none,
while one leads to all;
The one will decide to remove myself,
from all constraints, all sadness and memories,
that the millions of routes took me.
The one will bring me new hope, joy and laughter,
Leaving the millions behind,
The one - the only solution.

If only it shows itself,
The millions of routes all too tempting,
Yet all leads to none;
I still fall in,
Routes themselves are human,
Guiding me to them.
They are impossible thoughts, yet misguiding, enticing..

Oh, Power of the Universe!
Assist me;
Direct me to where I belong,
Grasping for help in the darkness,
I need light...!

Do Not Fear, But Believe..

Believe in yourself, and you will find that one day, no matter how long it takes, you will definitely find it surprising that you have finally gone through the hardest period.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us"  -- Helen Keller

I'm Charged and I'm Rrrrready

Here in the states, I have been through the ups and downs of life, for the good I believe.

Being quite low for many many months, today, finally...! I feel refreshed and energized, something that I have been craving for...! I have to shout to the world now -- I'm born again!

Here I have to say to my friends that I have been an asshole for the past months..! I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for being so obsessed about myself. I don't like it, but I have been emotionally unstable then. I have been going through a difficult time, fighting with myself. I was trying my best to face it myself.

My friends may not know what I had gone through, but.. having them by my side, I think that is the only thing that supported me till now. I have to thank my friends for supporting me till the very end. Friends are those who mentally supported you , by not supporting you physically. Friends are those who know you are going through a hard time, but still watch you from aside, while letting you grow stronger day by day, when you walk through the path.

It was hard alright, but now, i'm ready to face the future. I'm truly proud of myself now. I have won the battle. I have gained back my pride, my confidence and my happiness. I'm charged and I'm ready..! Hello WORLD!!!

Quote of the day: Cherish your good friends and have a positive mindset! These 2 may sound weird together, but, trust me, whenever you are down and upset, no matter how long it takes, these are the substances to regain what you crave for at the very beginning when you are away from your parents.

What I wanna be...

As I am moving closer towards the working life,

I feel the need to actually set myself a path to secure a future career..

Well, my friend Lim has already set his really well; what he has to do is just follow according to his plan, and that's it.

For me, well, I am a marketing major, two years to go and I'm done with a degree....then what else...? I have no idea how my path would look like.

I do have thoughts about many things. From working in a company to opening my own business.

If I work for a company, what should I work as? What kind of company should I choose? I would like to work in a company full of fun. But somehow, I have to boost my confidence and my ability to talk fluently. Marketing majors, how am I to convince someone when I can't even speak in an American accent if I am to work here. I still have my very Asian accent even though i have been here in USA for 6 months. And I guess another problem I have is that my resume don't look good alright...! I haven't been in any clubs or associations taking up post...! =='' Means this makes it even harder for me. Well, if I still don't do anything about it, I'm so doomed! ;p What makes it more grueling, is that i am not working...!

On the other hand, what if I want to open my own business? What kind of business would it be then? Oh god.... Well, I am such an immature person that really need myself to nag on me...! If not.... procrastination will win the race and I will be so gone with it.

I am thinking of majoring another specialization. Well, hmm.... there's no point taking up a major that I have no single idea on. Plus, the point is I do not know what I want to be...! But will it be a good idea to do so or...?

Well life's a disaster.....! ;p Hmm... I really should be serious about it already. 1 and a half years left for me and I'm cut with financial support....!=='' Adeleine... you have to be more serious about yourself already!

To Hear the Whisper of the Stars

Darkness blanketed the night sky

As i was searching across for the brightest star to fulfill my wishes and dreams..;

It was yet another night without stars..

The night is silent and soundless

While i was about to

Wonder if they actually heard my voice, the stars whispered...

"Everything will be alright.."

First Snow

First snow in Ohio...! ;p

Source from CharleyHarperPrints.com

Sick...!

I'm still sick...!

have never really recovered and has been continuously sick since weeks ago...! =='

It all started from that bowl of Assam Laksa in Penang!

Well, serve me right for eating it without realising my body symptoms worsening...!

Really hope to be healthy again soon!

Being sick is like hell! ...weep!

Taylor's Lakeside Visit

I get to go home straight after my 12.15 class today as I do not need to pick up my brother. So I walked to the post office to mail something, then back to my Subang campus to collect my books, then went straight to my car. While on the way home, I decided to go on a sudden visit to Taylor's Lakeside to collect my Business Plan competition (2009) cheque. Yeay, after so long a period, I finally made up my mind to go collect the cheque! =p

It was the first time I went to Lakeside all by myself.I drove and wanted to park inside the campus parking lot, but it was full and I had to park beside the mosque, hoping that the authorities would not clamp my car (It's not a parking zone).

So I went in, my head turning from left to right, and vice versa, as I was very unfamiliar with that gigantic area. The first place I found myself standing in front of, is the administration and registration office; The first sight behind the door is, a massive crowd! I squeezed myself towards the service counter to ask for information about where to collect the cheque. She addressed me to go right up the stairs to another department (Which I don't care what department I was at). There was another crowd! Oh dear...! Then again, I squeeze thru the crowd towards the staff to ask for assistance; And again, she directed me to another department, the business and law dept. It was situated at the E division...which was like at the other end of the campus from where I'm standing. Oh well....there goes again. When I got there...and again....another crowd....Wow..! I guess I chose the wrong date. It was packed with students of the July intake! Each and every office were crowded with students asking for information and there were so few staffs to account for. It was a mess...

So while I thought I finally got to the right place to collect my cheque, the lady there told me I would have to write down my details and my phone number to be able to collect it some other day..! Oh well...what a day..!

Besides the troublesome moment I had at Lakeside,

I went to the dentist for gigi checkup today!

My teeth is shiningly bright now!

Kaa..Ching!!!

Randomness

And it was 20th July 2010, Tuesday night, 2 days away from my accounts test.
Sad thing is, I do not feel the 'Oomph' to study at all...! =='
I tend to procrastinate during summer semesters! I just...feel very lazy!
Com'on you know, summers are meant for holidays, not for studies... oh well, excuses!
Needless to say so, I did not revise anything that night. =)
So what am I doing? Other than facebooking for a moment, I checked my mail, browse around the net....yadaa..and oh ya, I composed a song dedicated to my friend in conjuction of's birthday! ;p

Well, it was one of those songs I composed which I am satisfied with. From 7pm, I started my composition, and I completed it at 1am...!><

P.S. While listening, use Earphone or headphone for better effect.

SkyHigh.mp3

Okhaye...after listening to it, what are your comments? Lols!
I brought the song to college the following day. Some say there isn't enough rhythms as background effect, some say I can make my own recordings, some say they are too repetitive, too boring. ==' Hmm... Makes me wander...what makes a good composition?

The Start

Knowing that I will be setting off for O.S.U (Ohio State University), U.S. soon to further my studies, I started this blog, hoping I would be determined enough to frequently load new stuffs to update my family and friends about the great (...or half dead) life I have in US.

So now, I decided to start writing now to make blogging a habit. I'll be leaving on September 10, and arrive on September 11, more or less two months from now. Psst...! My friend WQ suggested that when I grow up, I should brag to my children and grandchildren that I landed in U.S. on September 11, the date when US World Trade Centre were crashed. and they'll be thrilled to know how much terror I had encountered! ...I just have to keep them from asking me what year I landed!

Oh ya!! I just got my I-20 today!!! For those of you who does not know what I-20 is, it is an application form essential for use to apply for visa to US. I've been waiting for that more than 2 weeks!! Finally I can start applying for my visa at the U.S. embassy. But here comes the trouble. It's now close to the end of the semester, and there are loads and loads of assignments and test coming up! ==''' Ish!!! So mafan and tiresome!

Whatever it is, I'll have to balance my time and get both things done before I screw everything up and, what I'd get is

One, unable to fly to U.S.;

Two, no Unis to study;

Three, no house to stay (My parents will throw me out of the house for wasting the one-way air ticket that cost a DSLR!)